On Realization and Changing Perspectives

For a long timeI kept my silence
For the longest timeI showed no emotion
For the first timeI learned to listen
For the first timeI learned how to trust
For the first timeI learned how to let emotions out
For the last timeI try to decide
For the last time, I finally decide!

The last few weeks had been full of revelations to myself. I never thought of these things to happen. I thought I was strong but I guess not. It was all a bliss.I decided to let emotions out by letting my friends know how I trully am in terms of work and personal status. Funny but I just learned how good it felt to let emotions out and burst into tears. For the first time after drowning myself with work and business, I finally reached a destination. A place where I can call close to getting towards reality. A world where pretense does not exist. A world where I truly am myself.

A lot of things I just let by because of my so-called responsibilities in life (personal of course) where I led myself inside a box and sealed it with packing tape. Situations I thought that would never haunt me. Things I never thought would be so important.

It all started when people started to notice how I isolate myself. How I looked sad and depressed and situations where I could not explain why I was down. At first, I thought it was the fact that I was pulled out from a comfort zone while transitioning to the new role. I admit that at first, I was lost. Well, more on confused. I didn't know how to start working on things that needed to be accomplished. I didn't find my groove yet. But when I finally got my groove back, I still find myself depressed. It was only then I realized that I left myself outside the door waiting for the rain to stop. It was then I realized I needed to talk about issues.

I have no idea on how to end this post but I'm ending it here. I'll give it a thought first before posting the next half of this. (to be continued)... It's just that it's hard to change perspectives right now when all I see is myself in a place full of regrets and revelations.